More Than Myself

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3 Paths

Posted by More Than Me on September 17, 2011 at 4:25 PM

I've had a lot of death in my family recently, and the one that affected me the most was that of my cousin, who was like my sister.  She was murdered 3 months ago and I dreamt about her for the first time a couple of nights ago.  The dream was very surreal.  In it, I had 3 paths to chose from for my life.  One path lead me to being lost, another path (the one she was on) lead me to death, and the third path (that I couldn't see as clearly) lead me to love, success and happiness.


I've been asking God to make my steps clear to me and I guess this is as clear a sign as he can give me.  As obvious as the paths look to outside onlookers, on the inside the choices are a little harder.  The only thing that makes it easy is the first two paths I'm doing for other people and the third path I'm doing for myself.


The path for myself which leads to love, success and happiness is so scary because in my dream as well as real life it is the most unknown path.  In my dream it was gray and shadowy, not as clear and as full of life as the other two paths.  It just promised greatness as I chose to work through it.  The lack of clarity and predictabitlity was and is scary.  There was a figure of a man waiting for me in this tunnel and he was a gray shadow too.


I've been asking God to make my husband as well as my path clear to me and he has given me a choice.  Now I know that the things I asked him for are all on the same path.  Am I going to let fear keep me off of it and choose instead to stay with one of my predictable certainty of spiritually lost or dead?  Or, am I going to be a big girl now and choose to live my life on the path that I will splash color on as I travel through it?


Fear has had a way of holding me back from doing great things, but I can't live in fear anymore.  I have to live for me.  I have to find my passion for life, my paintbrushes to splash colours on my own walls instead of everyone elses. 

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